Jeff Dean was born on December 31, 1969 at 11:48 PM. It took him twelve minutes to implement his first time counter.
Jeff Dean puts his pants on one leg at a time, but if he had more legs, you would see that his approach is O(log n).
Jeff Dean’s watch displays seconds since January 1st, 1970. He is never late.
During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, “P = 0 or N = 1.” Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the whiteboard.
Jeff dean doesn’t have a wikipedia page. Wikipedia has a page on Jeff Dean.
Jeff Dean has binary readability.
Jeff Dean sorts his phone contacts by their vcard’s md5 checksums.
When Jeff has trouble sleeping, he Mapreduces sheep.
When Jeff Dean listens to mp3s, he just cats them to /dev/dsp and does the decoding in his head.
One day Jeff Dean grabbed his Etch-a-Sketch instead of his laptop on his way out the door. On his way back home to get his real laptop, he programmed the Etch-a-Sketch to play Tetris.
Jeff Dean is still waiting for mathematicians to discover the joke he hid in the digits of PI.
Jeff Dean can beat you at connect four. In three moves.
When Jeff Dean goes on vacation, production services across Google mysteriously stop working within a few days. This is actually true.
Jeff Dean was sick few times… That’s how computer viruses came to existence!
Jeff Dean can determine the exact position and velocity of an electron.
Jeff Dean doesn’t kill processes, he slays them.
In one of Jeff Dean’s Notebooks for Algorithms/Theory Of Computation , written on Margin is ” I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain”.
Jeff Dean Map Reduces his cereal.
Jeff Dean made Google Maps using his knitting kit.
The needle in haystack found Jeff Dean.
Jeff Dean’s Dropbox quota is bigger than all of YouTube’s storage farms.
All of the Google App Engine is actually hosted from Jeff Dean’s Nexus S.
PageRank made the Dean’s list.
Jeff Dean wrote a genetic algorithm. It made awesome things amongst which are BigTable and Peter Norvig.
Recently Jeff Dean got promoted even before the performance evaluation cycle started.
They had to invent a new post (Senior Google Fellow) just to promote Jeff (and Sanjay).
When he heard that Jeff Dean’s autobiography would be exclusive to the platform, Richard Stallman bought a Kindle.
God created Jeff Dean. Then he programmed Chuck Norris.
When Graham Bell invented the telephone, he saw a missed call from Jeff Dean.
Why did Vint Cerf invent the Internet? Because Jeff Dean didn’t have time.
Knuth mailed a copy of TAOCP to Google. Jeff Dean autographed it and mailed it back.
Only two people know all Jeff Dean facts. Both Jeff and Chuck think sharing them all would be too much for mere mortals.
Voldemort is scared of Jeff Dean.
Thron movies are based on Jeff Dean’s life.
Unsatisfied with constant time, Jeff Dean created the world’s first O(1/n) algorithm.
Jeff Dean wrote an O(n^2) algorithm once. It was for the Traveling Salesman Problem.
Jeff Dean’s Bubble Sort runs in O(1) time.
The speed of light in a vacuum used to be about 35 mph. Then Jeff Dean spent a weekend optimizing physics.
Google search went down for a few hours in 2002, and Jeff Dean started handling queries by hand. Search Quality doubled.
Once, in early 2002, when the search back-ends went down, Jeff Dean answered user queries manually for two hours. Result quality improved markedly during this time.”
Jeff Dean eschews both Emacs and VI. He types his code into zcat, because it’s faster that way.
Jeff Dean writes directly in binary. He then writes the source code as a documentation for other developers.
Jeff Dean can parse HTML with Regular Expressions
All pointers point to Jeff Dean.
You name three pointers, Einstein, Euler, and Turing, when you de-reference them, all you get is Jeff Dean.
Jeff starts his programming sessions with ‘cat > /dev/mem’.
Jeff Dean once shifted a bit so hard, it ended up on another computer.
Jeff Dean’s infinite loops run in 5 seconds.
Jeff Dean can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
Jeff Dean has gone to /dev/null and come back.
Jeff Dean can losslessly compress random data.
All Jeff Dean’s code is pure. For fun, he once wrote a function with a side effect, that side effect is known as Gmail.
Jeff Dean can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
When Jeff Dean fires up the profiler, loops unroll themselves in fear.
Jeff Dean once implemented a web server in a single printf() call. Other engineers added thousands of lines of explanatory comments but still don’t understand exactly how it works. Today that program is the front-end to Google Search.
Jeff Dean was forced to invent asynchronous APIs one day when he optimized a function so that it returned before it was invoked.
Jeff once simultaneously reduced all binary sizes by 3% AND raised the severity of a previously known low-priority python bug to critical-priority in a single change that contained no python code.
When your code has undefined behavior, you get a seg fault and corrupted data. When Jeff Dean’s code has undefined behavior, a unicorn rides in on a rainbow and gives everybody free ice cream.
When Jeff Dean sends an ethernet frame there are no collisions because the competing frames retreat back up into the buffer memory on their source nic.
Jeff Dean once failed a Turing test when he correctly identified the 203rd Fibonacci number in less than a second.
Compilers don’t warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers.
Jeff Dean builds his code before committing it, but only to check for compiler and linker bugs.
gcc -O4 sends your code to Jeff Dean for a complete rewrite.
The x86-64 spec includes several undocumented instructions marked ‘private use.’ They are actually for Jeff Dean’s use.
When Jeff Dean designs software, he first codes the binary and then writes the source as documentation.
mantri@mantri-laptop~$ rm -r /
rm: cannot remove root directory `/’
mantri@mantri-laptop~$ su – jeffdean -c “rm -r /”
I am extremely sorry. Removing root directory…
The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB 2.0.
When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard.
Jeff Dean’s ISP routes all traffic through Jeff Dean’s router. It is faster that way.
Jeff Deans’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Jeff Dean.
Jeff Dean’s keyboard has two keys: 1 and 0.